A SOUL WORTH TENDING: Dear Kendall

Kendall,

I don't think you knew when we sat at that table in the dining hall of Castaway in August of 2011 how much you were impacting my life. While we sipped lemonade and ate chips you allowed me into your life and I am so thankful you did. I needed you then, I needed Jesus more, but I needed you to play a very important character in my story. The truth is, if it weren't for you, I don't think I would be a Young Life leader today, and I don't think I would be the person I am today either. You inspired me then, and you have inspired me everyday since then.

When I tell my story I say that the week I led your cabin at Castaway was one of the best weeks of my life, you probably didn't know that it was also one of the hardest. We laughed so hard as we went banana boating and ate ice cream by the beach, and I loved those moments! I would do it again in a heartbeat. At night we heard about the Gospel and how very much we are loved and in cabin time the 16 of us cried together, because life can be hard, because the hurt we feel is real, and because it is so apparent how much we all need Jesus.

I was there as a leader, but I felt like your joy and love for life was leading me in some ways, inspiring me to be better. Your love for Jesus was radiating from your smile, your leadership and the way you effortlessly loved those around you. You have not stopped being inspiring.

I had a hard summer, a hard year really, my freshman year of college had not been exactly what I imagined. I felt like I had lost a lot that year; a close group of friends, a long-time boyfriend, my popularity, and my comfort. My first year leading Young Life was hard too. Standing in a room of high schoolers felt intimidating and overwhelming and I didn't feel prepared or equipped to lead-- I was trying to figure out my relationship with Jesus too. I have never stopped believing since then that Jesus doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called.

I think there are few moments in life that you can point to and say that is when it changed, one of mine happened that week at camp. During one of the leader meetings at Castaway we were talking about becoming fishers of men, and how Jesus told the disciples to let down their nets to follow him. He said that they needed to let go of their nets because he had something better in store. I remember sitting there crying, knowing that I had stuff in my net, things I wanted for myself that I was desperately clinging to, afraid that if I really, truly gave up control, and began listening to his call for me I would be disappointed. But I decided in that moment to let down my net --fully-- not like I had been for most of my life, but to really trust that He had greater things in store. I invited him into my brokenness to heal the cracks, and to fill my gaps of insufficiency, and to help me love others better, because I couldn't do it alone and I was tired of trying to. And oh, how He continues to show me everyday how wonderful life is with Him.

We both left changed from camp, with stories from the week written on our hearts and a new friendship evolving. One day you made me go zip-lining with you, I didn't necessarily love zip-lining, but I loved your desire to make life more fun. You weren't content sitting on the beach, you wanted to go and do, you wanted a life of adventure and whimsy!!

I had the privilege of leading you, guiding you, loving you in the ways I was able, and gracefully loved me back and returned all the above. Looking back, I know the Lord was using you, not only that week, but everyday both in my life and the lives of so many others. I've loved every minute with you since, I feel so honored to have watched you grow into the beautiful person you are today.

It's been so lovely to do life with you. When I mention your name to my Mom, she tilts her head and smiles the same way almost every time, like she knows just how much to mean to me and the role you've played in my college experience. I remember one time I was studying for a Pathophysiology exam, I was in the basement of the library with my friends when you text me you needed to talk. They thought I was crazy for leaving, but I never questioned the importance of studying in that moment, because I am your young life leader, but more importantly your friend, and you are more valuable than any test or any grade. I will ditch studying for you anytime!

We have so many things in common, weird laughs, a love for dancing, a desire to live life to the full, and much more. I love that the Noodles & Co at Old Orchard mall is our place, and we go there and get Wisconsin Mac and Cheese together-- I will do that with you until we are 99 and 102-years-old. I love getting your sweet text messages during a hard day, or seeing you post something kind on Facebook letting a friend know that they are loved by you. You have a big heart, one overflowing with kindness and generosity, one that desires to serve and love "the least of these" (Matthew 25:40).

Selfishly, I want you to stay in Chicago, and not go away to Vanderbilt. I think you are too great to be shared. But I know that God is bringing you to new places to grow and to be challenged, just like I was brought to Loyola to be grown and challenged. Please know that I am a phone call away, or a 7 hour and 12 minute car ride (google map'd it baby). But please also know that no matter where you are, no matter how hard things get or how alone you feel, you have a friend who is much greater and wiser that I. He is the God of the Universe, and He is on your side today and always.

If there is one prayer I have for you it is that you never forget that your relationship with Jesus comes before all things. He is bigger then school, Young Life, clothes, relationships, success, money, friends, dreams, etc, etc. While at the same time He is working in the smallest details of your life, even when you cannot see it. And always, that you are incredibly, undeniably, unfathomably, and incomprehensibly loved-- God sent his one and only son to die for YOU, because God so LOVED you.

I love you, KJL!!