where joy comes in

**this post was written in December but neglected and forgotten about in the midst of finals week... until now!**

I find that there is a usual theme of the way I feel during finals every year... mostly chaotic, out of order, insufficient, tired, and there always seem to be a lot of jokes about being a hot mess. Yesterday though, things felt different. It was chaotic and daunting but I felt this overwhelming sense of what really mattered and that things will be ok.
I live in a house with three other girls, whom I love love love dearly. They are my best friends, my confidants, my home team, my sisters. Yesterday I sat in the front room while Kara and I hurriedly finished our respective papers minutes before the deadline (#senioritis) and Christi crammed in some last minute studying before her final. The night before Christi and I sat around the kitchen table until 4am (hey sleep deprivation) and studied. In both of these scenarios I felt the presence of God. I felt thankful that I was given true friendships and people who love me and people who stay up with me to study and then also put up with with my weirdness due to exhaustion. And not even just put up with me, they join me and they love me. When I am overwhelmed or need to vent, and when I am excited and need to celebrate, they meet me where I am and love me.
Christi and Kara and I walked to our finals at 1 yesterday and it was freezing cold. We left the house too late and ran around grabbing the essentials before pulling on boots and parkas and our backpacks and leaving quickly. On the way we just started laughing about maybe life in general, maybe just finals week, but how life is funny. That morning in the front room, and the night before in the kitchen we had laughed so hard. And we had also had some of the best conversations we'd shared in a long time. About God and new love and success and the future and how life is scary.
I think that in the midst of when life is happening, when life is crazy and things seems to be a little disjointed, joy comes in. Joy comes in to bless us in the chaotic. Like a little message from God saying, "this life is hard, this life is crazy, but I've made it gorgeous for you to enjoy."