so close and so far

today is a big day! it marks the last day of classes of my sophomore year of college. i am almost half-way done with nursing school which is really great for a lot of reasons and i think this day warrants some reflection.

i am so close to the end of finals. so close to moving home. so close to this summer and for all the wonderful adventures and lessons and i will learn. 

BUT i am so far from where i was at this time last year in so many ways and i am incredibly grateful for that. i like lists and i think that this is an appropriate time for one!

in no particular order thoughts on how i am feeling now:

1) happy and relieved and proud that i am on the home stretch of this semester... the one that everyone said was the hardest and practically impossible.

2) anxious about what it will look like moving back home and practically living out of a suitcase for a whole summer.

3) thankful for this year and the redemption and growth that have accompanied it.

4) hopeful that my faith will continue to be strengthened and rooted deeply in the love of the lord. (Ephesians 3:14-19).

5) blessed for all the people who have come into my life this year. the people who have been by my side when i am weak, stressed, hurt. and that they have loved me so well. you have not left me unchanged... you know who you are :)

6) excited for summer staff. like really excited, cannot contain my excitement, giddy excited. 

7) humbled and grateful for the challenges that have put in my life. the hurt and the brokenness and the healing and growth that has transpired from that.

8) sad that i am leaving good friends here. i am sad that i will not be able to have slumbies at Alaynah's, go get cheeseburgers with Sar, drive to and from yl club with Kats17 and talk about life, hang out at bethesda with heather until too late, drive to church with Erin and laugh, coffee dates and late night studying and so many more!!!

9) not looking forward to missing young life. i will miss the pre-club dinners where we talk and laugh and hang out with families. i will miss club and being crazy and singing call me maybe at the top of my lungs and talking to girls about their days/lives. and leadership, ahhh leadership, all of it. i like it a lot.

10) really excited and at peace about next year because i will being living with 4 other wonderful girls who are intentionally living to follow jesus. i am so excited to name our apartment, have community dinners, dance parties, good conversations and good friends to do life with :) i know a lot of good things will come out of this!

a lot to be happy about. i am full and thankful for grace and transformation while looking back at this year. it is weird to reflect on how i remember feeling this time last year; hurt, betrayed, unworthy, confused, and desperately seeking answers. and now knowing that these feelings were not ignored, but dealt with and explored and i am stronger because of that.