a soul worth tending

"You have stories worth telling, memories worth remembering, dreams worth working toward, a body worth feeding, a soul worth tending, and beyond that, the God of the universe dwells within you, the true culmination of super and natural. 
You are more than dust and bones. 
You are spirit and power and image of God. 
And you have been given Today.”
-- Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life


i like this quote a lot. i like the book a lot too, and if you haven't read it you should. meaning, today go get it and read it. i like this book to the extent that i think i reference it so much that people get sick of it and me talking about it. it's filled with little bits of wisdom. things that we often forget and need reminders of. reminders like in the midst of it all, this crazy busy life, we have a soul worth tending. 


i'm realizing this more and more these days. that i have a soul worth tending. that i get caught up in my busyness. between young life and nursing school and attempting to have a life and i sometimes feel that i am really tired. not just physically run down-- i mean let's be honest, i could always go for a nap-- but actually drained and tired inside. i think that this is normal and that it happens to everyone but i'm learning more and more how to recognize this and how to be full and alive inside. how to rest. 


i dont want to just go through the motions, which i think sometimes i do, we all do. sometimes i wake up and i dont want to go to class and then i want it to be over asap and i dont want to have to go to boring meetings or turn in assignments and fill out paperwork for clinical next fall. but that is not the way it should be. i'm guilty of not fully appreciating this life sometimes. i am easily brought down by the stress of it all and i feel surrounded by people at school who seem to be striving for perfection. striving for perfect grades and to have it all together. which i just don't get why we even, in the first place, put that on ourselves. we are not meant to be perfect. God does not need us to get all A's or "have it all together," and afterall he is who i am living for. He loves me if i am a mess 99% of the time and only do so-so in all my classes and don't go to the gym for a week straight and haven't done laundry in about 2.65 weeks. He still loves me just the same. He still loves you just the same. so frankly, i really think that this whole striving thing that we do as humans is dumb. i once read that we should save our best striving for developing our relationship with Jesus, and i really like that. i use that sentence as a little reminder of my priorities. that is how i want to live my life. that is how my soul will flourish. waking up every morning and striving for the Lord, for a better relationship, to be closer to him and to trust my whole life to him. 


i've felt over the past year my heart change, my soul change. i guess i don't know how to describe it. i told one of my close friends that when i see a picture of myself from a year ago i don't recognize that girl, i don't feel like that girl. it's not that i don't look the same, i am changed. just different i think. i'm not done yet, we are growing and changing our whole lives. constantly. dynamically changing. and the change that i have felt most is that i am trusting God more and more with big things in my life.


i don't care as much about school, i mean i still try and i always want to do my best, but i'm realizing and learning that my best is enough. i do not worry so much about my future or what that holds, but i am constantly comforted by knowing and trusting that i do not have to plan. worrying and stressing over the little things quickly piles up. piling up to the point where i begin to tire, and become weary. which is just not worth it! 


i'm surrounding myself with people who love me well. and people who i love and that i can talk to them about real, good things, people who know me. people who make me laugh, a lot. i saw this quote on pinterest  by Marcel Proust: "let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." good friends, less stress, more faith. i want to take to plan last minute lunch dates and eat yummy food and have good conversations, and i am ok with pushing back my studying a couple of hours to talk about life over coffee drinks... this makes me happy. this makes me full and this helps me to live my life for christ better. i want to wake up early and go read a devotional by the lake in the peaceful morning and i want to skip study groups to go to young life and laugh and be silly. on paper, to most people, it may seem like i am doing this all wrong. and i am so ok with that. today is the only today we get, and today i want to strive for the lord, i want to seek him first and foremost. i want to make memories and stories and follow my dreams and believe that the Lord our God is constantly watching over me, that i will be rewarded and protected if i am faithful. that my heart will be full and my soul will be tended to. 


i have a soul worth tending. you do too.


mal